Your Ex will Moving On

I found out Arif Kiswantoh got married yesterday, we were in the talking stage in September 2021 and broke up in October 2021, I plead with him to get back in December 2021, that was the last time I contacted him, he was always on my mind every single day, of course he blocks me on everything, I did what I could to get back with him, but he won't meet me on the halfway and he did not dm me back, then it hit me, he never love me, of course, I stalk him nearly 6 months, till today, my older sister was showing off her new phone, I used her phone to check on him on Instagram, and then I found out he got engaged on January 2022 and got married yesterday 8 June 2022, I did cry a little, my heart was burning for sure, I was feeling mad that I CAN'T DO ANYTHING.

Well, Arif congratulations on your wedding it was always what you wished for, I hope you loved her, please love her with all your heart and be happy. Please have a great life with your wife.

I'm sure, I am also at fault here, I was never ready for marriage, there are so many goals that I want to achieve, I was insecure in everything and Allah said I'm not ready, everything happens for a reason. You are that fit every criteria in a man that I want to marry, I know I was not ready to get married, I don't feel regret about anything, but I will use this as a fuel for me to get forward to get what I want in life, thank you for everything and I'm sorry for everything.

I realize I need to let go of my obsession with you, I don't love you and I realize that too, you are my comfort zone and my happy moment even it just for a second.

This song reminds me of when we were on the talking staged, I know you would not even gonna read this tho:-


This bitch is crying again

Today sunday 6/2/2022, at 3:40 am... I'm crying...because my stupid self can't help it but falls in love with a man who's I see has potential not someone who's give me all his effort to not lose me in reality. I'm crying because my pitiful self always chooses the wrong man.

why can't I be strong here, why men always disappointed me...I calculated my past with a man it always ended badly... BITCH I want to be treated like a queen I want flowers, I want reassurance, I want a loyal partner, I want stable financially man, I want funny, match my energy kinda man.

I want a man who's cares about my emotions about me as a human. I want someone who's communicates his day and ask me how my days was. ask me one to one.

Dear Allah please takes this loneliness away from me, I want to feel the happiness by being alone and being okay with it.

 Today I was again a stupid woman who chase her ex, I really want him to be in my life, I tried to convince him to be with me calmly and patiently, I really WANT him and only him. but hey lets list he's an asshole

1. He makes an excuse that he is busy with me, I sampai mimpi yang dia bercakap dengan orang lain sebenarnya.
2. he makes me more lonely than ever
3. our communication never works

Tinder & Love


 Tahun ni dah masuk 2021 I'm still single; I'm happy.. I fell in love secara tak sengaja dengan lelaki di tinder, he was soft spoken, well manner and gentleman la, aku  ni pulak ada trust issues, biasa lah lelaki suka beria mula2 je, lepas tu menghosting, dia boleh tahan la hensem jugak, dan bekerja sebagai engineer, he was boring as hell, mula2 je nak call aku, dia kata aku banyak cakapla, pemalas lah, termasuk hari ni 20/11/2021 dah 1 bulan lebih putus dengan dia, dia ajak keluar memula chat, aku macam itu dah red flags dah, bila aku sedih dia tak reti comfort aku langsung, aku je yang selalu gila2 dengan dia, buat lawak semua aku je, dia reti gelak sahaja. 

Dia berduit dan rajin buat kerja tapi banyak scandal, aku tahu, aku pun bukan baik sangat lead him on this relationship dok bagi alasan supaya tak jumpa, aku nak uji dia sejauh mana dia nak kat aku, itu pun silap aku juga, aku post kat blog ni pun sebab aku nak move on, aku terfikir juga kalau aku masih rindukan dia , aku boleh ke jumpa dia, keluar macam biasa, jawapan aku ternyata masih tidak walau sehensem mana pun dia sebaik mana pun dia, hati aku dah  tawar hati dan dah mati rasa untuk dia.

Kalau aku jumpa dia pun aku tak rasa aku boleh senyum semula lepas apa yang dia dah buat kat aku, ya allah kalau dia jodoh aku permudahkanlah pertemuan kami semula dan bagilah rasa cinta pada kau dan rasa cinta antara kami berdua.

Bila aku ada masalah aku tak boleh rely on him at all, sebab dia akan mengelat untuk bercakap pasal masalah dengan aku, aku tak nak jadi perempuan pengemis dekat dia, all can I say is, walaupun pengenalan kami ini pendek, kenangan manis nya akanku simpan, I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. Thank You for the sweet memories that you gave it to me. Arif Kiswantoh....




Tingkatan 5 / Lima dan SPM

Hai adik sekalian yang baru lepasan spm berdarah muda dan bertenaga gitu. Akak nak bagitahu bahawa tips2 persedian untuk adik sebelum melangkah ke university atau politeknik.

Nasihat akak ni kalau nak pakai, pakai lah kalau rasa berguna! kalau tak mahu baca sila exit ye.

Tahniah akak ucapkan kepada adik yang dah berjaya menghabiskan kehidupan Sekolah Menengah.
Mesti adik-adik dah buat yang terbaik dalam kehidupan ini. Ada yang depressed waktu belajar susah sangat ke apa ke huhu. Akak pun depressed 2 tahun tingkatan 4 dan 5 bermacam-macam dugaan datang.

Okey pertama sekali akak nak tanya apakah cita-cita adik? Sila jadi seorang yang realistik maksudnya cita-cita mengikut latar belakang kehidupan dan kemampuan adik-adik sahaja. Tak perlulah nak capai cita-cita tinggi menggunung tapi buat separuh jalan macam akak 😭. Adik-adik kenalah jadi matang dan tahu gaji dan kemampuan ibu bapa adik untuk membantu adik-adik mengejar kerjaya adik-adik sampai dimana?. Maklumlah ibu bapa adik-adik bukan muda lagi kadang ada dah pencen, berhenti kerja, kesian dekat ibu bapa.

Waktu akak belajar dulu ayah akak dah nak masuk umur 60 tahun diberhentikan dari kerja. Sumber wang akak dah tiada dah lah akak tiada kenderaan lepastu duit makan pun tiada. Jadi yang nak sambung belajar ni kene pandai naik motor atau kereta tau jangan menyusahkan orang. nanti kena palau pula dengan classmate😰.

Bahasa english please prepare betul-betul kena pandai bahasa english sebelum masuk diploma atau politeknik yang dapat SPM BI C/D/E/G tu haa akak nasihat kan pergi kursus bahasa english part time hujung minggu sambil kerja, tip topkan dulu bahasa english tu banyak je kursus bahasa english ni di uitm pun ada UM pun ada yang swasta buka company sendiri pun ada kursus ini memang banyak membantu adik2 di university nanti. Kursus ni untuk semua lah orang dah kerja, orang awam, yang tengah nak amik MUET boleh je pergi mahal sikit lah tapi berbaloi dapat sijil dan pengetahuan luas bahasa english.

PTPTN, MARA, SPONSORSHIP, Tajaan, ANAK NEGERI SELANGOR, PETRONAS, ZAKAT. Dulu akak dapat petronas punya biasiswa diploma in Pharmacy sekolah petronas la. Akak koyakkan surat tu, ingat main spam punya surat (yang selalu IPTS surat banyak2 tu) hahaha😭 tapi memang akak tak minat course tu pun. Kalau nak tahu ptptn ni searchla laman web dia, mara ni kalau adik dah dapat pointer tinggi 3.50 keatas waktu semester 1 dah boleh cuba mohon mara tapi kene lah consistent pointer itu hingga akhir semester, SPONSORSHIP ni akak tak tahu sangat tapi ni kalau memang pelajar genius dan consistent straight A's seumur hidup dia. kawan akak dapat tapi dia pun terseksa sebab kene dekan dan pointer tinggi juga setiap semesta rasanyalah (kalau akak salah comment dibawah). ZAKAT boleh search la akak tak tahu lah pasal ni, yang akak tahu boleh mohon la untuk awal semester. ANAK NEGERI ni tengok tempat kelahiran adik dimana search la ye akak tak pernah mohon lagi.

Oh ya sebelum adik baru memasuki tinkatan 5 bolehlah search cara memohon UPU beli no bsn di bank dan isi. Nasihat akak yang boleh masuk awal tu cuba masuk awal secepat mungkin takut otak berkarat pula. Kalau adik2 mohon umur 17, 18 tahun, adik dah start belajar memang akan selang 1 tahun lama, cepat2 la belajar ya takyah nak mengaggur lama-lama. Akak pun jenis macam ni juga sebab tak tahu pun boleh masuk awal sebab tiada siapa bagitahu maklumlah akak tiada rujukan semua ni internet dan computer pun kena berebut memang takda masa lah nak tengok henfon bimbit  sendiri pun tiada.

Internet, Wifi, Postpaid, Unlimited data, haaa yang ni diharuskan amik memanglah wifi ada dekat university tapi mengikut pengalaman akak susah low wifi dan sangkut2 sebab bukan sorang je yang pakai staff, student, senior junor University semua guna pagi sampai tengahari tu memang kacau semua signal, kalau boleh beli laptop sendiri, henfon semestinya, pastu buat bill kad phone bayar bulan2 berbaloi guna lah PTPTN adik tu tapi jangan boros pakai semua pakai hutang je banyak.

so perjalanan adik sepatutnya macam ni:
okey over la sikit mana tahu adik-adik nak pergi jauh digalakkan jika adik-adik jenis sanggup nak cari kerja tinggi menlangit.

Nasihat akak bila dah dapat masuk university ni IPTA / IPTS beli lah buku ye mengikut subject course adik tu, kalau nak ikut study slide lect habis la kau takkan faham study awal dari lect, sebelum lecturer mengajar lagi dah sedia dengan ilmu-ilmu course tu supaya senang faham, jangan study last minit, setiap hari kene study, buat jadual waktu. Dekatkan diri dengan classmate yang pandai-pandai yang selalu dapat dekan tu haaa...ikut kemana diorang pergi sebab diorang lah yang akan membantu adik dalam motivasikan diri adik untuk jadi yang terbaik.
Hi guys today I will announce that I will only write about resentment in my life, I have to learned what's wrong with me cause I just keep feel like there's toxic feeling in my heart it's hurts and burn, I want to shout to the world how cruel people are and keep blaming me for something I didn't do it. Fuck you world, fuck you!!!!! I remember someone who I love cheating on me and just want to game me. I hate you son of a bitch, I will keep ignoring you and keep forgetting your face. I was so fucking stupid, thanks anyways you was so rude to me. I wish I could revenge on you, well I already did leaving and ignoring you all the time.